Non-Traditional Christmas in New York City

For the past 4 years I along with my family have been struggling with Christmas. Four years ago at Christmas I was saying goodbye to my ex-sister-in-law who was also one of my best friends....she was dying from colon cancer. She passed in Feb. 2005. Then in April 2005 our family said goodbye to sweet hubby's mom and my uncle who passed on the same day. Two weeks later my beloved younger sister Robin passed away suddenly. Then in July our family lost a cousin. When September came around I lost my wonderful daddy. Then 3 weeks later my daddy's brother passed away. We left Arkansas for Christmas that year. We just couldn't bear to go through the Christmas traditions that we had developed with daddy and Robin not here to share with us. We went to Kansas where Sarah was living at the time. The day after Christmas we left Kansas to drive to Mississippi b/c Sarah's grandfather passed away. The following year we had a very somber Christmas awaiting Sarah's surgery for ovarian cancer. Since that year we have struggled through Christmas...trying to make things work.....overbuying for the kids....but it didn't replace the empty places at the table or everything else that was Christmas with the Family.

This year was no exception.....still not able to face Christmas with missing family members, my sister and I packed up our own kids and loaded Sherman the Tank and headed for NYC to spend the holiday with Sarah in her tiny apartment. My sister and I chose not to over buy on the gifts this year.....her kids got one big gift - the guitar hero and a couple little things. Caleb got one big gift and a couple of small gifts. Christmas morning was wonderful. The kids opened their small gifts and went off to enjoy. There was no mentioning of "he got that, why didn't I get one" or "is this all???" or " this isn't what I wanted.....I wanted such and such", it was just quiet fun. We played guitar hero and watched movies. Later in the day some of Sarah's friends (who used to live in Kansas and attend K-state but now live up here) came over and we laughed and laughed and had the absolute best time. Our Christmas dinner was 3 hours late...but it didn't matter to us.....

Sweet hubby didn't travel with us.....he wanted to go deer hunting......he too is battling the Christmas blues since both his parents are gone now and his brother passed two years ago. He doesn't have family left to share Christmas with (except us of course) so he spent Christmas with some friends in Arkansas before leaving out to hunt bambi. We missed sweet hubby but we totally understood his choices and he understood ours.

I think, or maybe I hope I am at the turning point now. Maybe I am not ready to give up on the traditional Christmas with family, gifts, etc. Maybe next year I will start sending out Christmas cards again (I actually stopped 3 years ago). Maybe I will plan out a Christmas party for my family again. Maybe I will play Santa again. Maybe I will stay home and have a traditional Christmas day with my family........maybe......we will see when next year rolls around.....maybe.....

For now the doctor is out.....hoping and praying this will be my last non-traditional Christmas....maybe....