May 1st, 2005......gone but never forgotten....miss you dear Robin

The year 2005.....I call it the year from hell.   It was the year that I lost my sister in law due to cancer.  It was the year that marred my daughter's graduation from BYU.....I got the phone call from sweet hubby just minutes after Sarah graduated to let me know that his mother passed away.....we left Provo asap and headed back home to LR only to get the call from my aunt to let us know that one of my uncles passed away as well.  Wow....what a day.    I saw and talked to my sister, Robin, for the last time at my mother-in-laws funeral...I wish I knew that would be the last time I would ever talk to her....I would have said so much more.  Robin passed away suddenly the following Sunday (May 1, 2005)....we got the call while on our way to my uncle's funeral....needless to say we didnt' make it to his funeral, instead we turned around and headed to Mayflower so we could be with Mike and Taylor and try to make sense of what was happening.   Later that year we lost my dad, and 3 weeks later his brother.  Then to end the year Sarah lost her own paternal grandfather. 

The most painful of all of this was losing my sister.   She was young.  She had a little boy who needed her.  It took me a long time to sort through my anger over this.  Why?  Why did she have to leave us?  Finally, my knowledge of the plan of salvation broke through my pain and gave me the very much needed comfort that all is well.....and, that families are forever.....that someday I will see my sister again.....that someday when I see her she will be whole....without any pain, without any sickness..... to read my first post in remembrance of Robin go here.




So this year on May 1st, I will be spending the day with my mom and my other sister (Marnita).  We will be working on a special quilt to honor Robin....a quilt that we will give to Robin's son, Taylor.  Then we will go to the cemetary to visit her grave.   We will share stories of Robin and we will remember the beautiful woman that she grew up to be and we will probably shed a tear or two because we miss her so much.

For now the doctor is out.......remembering.

Happy 7th Birthday Dear Caleb!!!

Birthday's have always been something to celebrate in my family.  I loved planning the fun birthdays for Sarah each year....there was the Burger King party, the McDonald's party, the Chucke Cheese party, then later the skating rink parties and overnight parties.  Birthdays are meant to be celebrated!!  When Caleb came along we did the small family party for him the first couple of years and then when he turned 4 we did a fun cookout party at the park with lots of friends.  As 5 approached we were at the point where we knew Caleb didn't enjoy crowds and was not a social person so when I asked him about a party he said no.  So we did the low key thing for him.  Same for when he turned 6....no party (his choice).   A couple of weeks before he turned 7 I asked him again about having a party and inviting friends from church....same response ....no party.....I tried to bribe him into a party ... suggesting we could go bowling (one of his favorite things) or go skating.... but he was adament about it....NO PARTY!   So I didn't plan a party.  In the meantime he had completed some medical testing and was diagnosed with Aspberger's and anxiety disorder.   He was given meds for the anxiety and we soon noticed the change in his behavior where it didn't bother him as much to be around others.  So the day before he turned 7 we attended a birthday party for a good friend (who was turning 40!) and Caleb still didnt' handle the crowd very well but he would talk to people one on one.   He had a conversation with a good friend of ours and explained to her that he wasn't having a birthday party or getting any presents since his birthday was on a Sunday.....  ummm, he wasn't having a party because he didn't want one ....and, he had presents --- we had already bought one of his presents and he had gotten presents in the mail from Sarah and Grandma Ratliff!!     I was in shock....he really wanted to have a party....he talked about it on the way home that evening....he really wanted to open some presents and have a cake....oh my gosh...it is 10:00 at night and I have to pull together a party for Caleb!!!!

I get on my cell pronto and call my sister to tell her we are having a birthday party for Caleb at her house after church on Sunday!!!  I pass Caleb off to sweet hubby and head to Walmart....they are the only place open at 10 pm on a Saturday night .....fill up a cart with fun presents to be given to him from his cousins, aunt, and nana as well as a couple of things from mom and dad.   I also buy some cupcakes and his favorite iced cookies.  

On Sunday morning I present Caleb with breakfast in bed ....his favorite....strawberry poptarts!!!  (Sweet hubby isn't home on Sunday morning since he had to leave early for a High Council visit to another church unit).   

Later that day we meet up at my sister's hosue for a surprise birthday event for Caleb. I love that he was so surpised about everything.

He enjoyed opening presents from his cousins, aunt and nana!

When sweet hubby arrived a little later, he sent Caleb out to his truck to get a diet coke...

only Caleb found this instead!

The funny part about the 4 wheeler is that Grandma Ratliff sent Caleb a gift card in the mail and Caleb wanted to use it to buy a 4 wheeler....

I had a hard time trying to convince him he was a little short on the money!!!

Sweet hubby walked behind Caleb on this 4 wheeler all afternoon.....he even reset the gas flow 3 different times to make it go very SLOW!!!!   I was more afraid that sweet hubby would have a heart attack over Caleb riding than Caleb getting hurt himself ont he thing!!!   They have finally compromised on the rules (and yes there are many rules!!!)

Happy Birthday my sweet Caleb!!!!

For now the doctor is out.....thinking that maybe next year when sweet Caleb turns 8 we can have a real birthday party....one can always hope and plan!!!

Miracle of Miracles

Last year Caleb played baseball for the 1st time.  He really loved playing and wanted to play again this year.  We started out with the same team he played for last year....but, the team had advanced to a level that Caleb couldn't work with.  In baseball there are times when you have to turn on a dime or move fast in a different direction....Caleb can't do that and it became very obvious that playing on a regular baseball team wasn't going to work for Caleb.  Last year Caleb could use his own bat but this year he wouldn't be able to use his own bat since it was a t-ball bat.  Caleb couldn't comprehend this since he is OCD and MUST keep things the same.  There were several other issues as well...but mainly for me it was very painful to see this little guy feeling so lost on the field after such a great time last year. 

After doing some checking around we found Mircale League.   We registered and waited for the call back.  Finally it came and Caleb had a team.  He plays for the Astros and has a great coach.  

I explained to Caleb that he would get to play baseball on a team with kids who were just like him, and kids who are in wheelchairs or walkers or kids who are like his aunt Mona (down syndrome).  He was excited and volunteered to push wheelchairs if needed. 

Each player is assigned a buddy.  The buddy is on the field with the players and at bat with the players.  They use special equipment for each player ...larger round bats and softer balls or larger balls.  They have balls that ping so the blind child knows  where to swing to hit the ball, then a coach uses a clicker and walks backwards towards the base so the blind child and buddy know where to run towards the bases.  It is AMAZING and WONDERFUL to watch these special children play ball.    EVERY child gets to hit the ball and every child plays in the field.  It is non-competion this year but next year he can play competion if he chooses. 

In the fall he will get to meet A.J. Burnett and Cliff Lee.....I think I am more excited about this than he is since I LOVE and WATCH baseball!!!!



A very nervous Caleb



at bat

Caleb and his buddy

Caleb hit ball twice and ran the bases.  There are no outs and the last child up to bat hits a GRAND SLAM to clear the bases. 

We plan to go watch our old team (the Bulldogs) play ball and support them.  We are excited to spend our Saturdays at the Junior Deputy field watching and cheering for our new team - the ASTROS!!

For now the Doctor is out......looking forward to baseball season

and seeing the smiles on some very special children.