Career? Kids? Both?

I have always worked somewhere. When I was 15 years old, I snuck out of my house and took the car without permission then drove down a couple of miles to the local skating rink. I was lookin' for a job! Got it! So proud of myself! I worked at that skating rink from the summer of my 15th year until my senior year in high school. From there I have gone on to many other jobs such as, taco bell counter person, waitress at the catfish place, sales person at the clothing dept (in Calif!), Microwave Salesperson/cooking demonstrator, Secretary, Visual Merchandising Person, all before I finished my bacheor's degree (at the ripe old age of 32!) Once I finished that degree I immediately went on to the Master's degree and at the same time began my career in research and teaching.

I immersed myself into my career. I loved what I was doing and I worked all the time! I could do this since my only child was close to finishing high school and moving on to college and she wasn't a troubled person - never giving me a moment's unrest. She made my life easy. When she went away to college, I began working on my doctorate while continuing to further my career in research - I could do this because I didn't have any kids at home and I had a very supportive hubby. Many times I would meet myself coming and going but I loved every minute of it. Then one day at my office I looked around and realized that I wasn't happy here. This is not where I want to be working - not with people who are negative about everything....so I left. I was still working on my doctorate and a lot of contract work and had more time to focus on that aspect of my life. Then a horrible tragedy occurred and I found myself blessed with a 3 year old and a new baby to take care of.

Career on hold!!! Kids became career!! Playgroups, therapy sessions, potty training, diaper changes, physical therapy, developmenal therapy, tears, hugs, kisses, tons of laundry, forgetfulness, messy house, loss of loved ones, more therapy, changes, more love, hugs, kisses, pre-school, 1st grade, homework, swimming lessons, and on and on and on.....

Four years later I have two healthy boys, a successful daughter living on her on in a large city and a healthy life. With the prospect of both boys being in school this fall and a phone call from an old colleague I am finding myself drawn back into that old life again, you know the one where you are wanted to work outside the home. I went to a meeting a couple of days ago and found myself craving that life again, missing wearing the suit and heels, missing the meetings, the past pace, the deadlines, etc, but also realizing that I can't immerse myself back into it like before.....I must find the balance (if there is one). Compromise: I will work for you but I must have it on my terms - I only work in the office two days a week and they are half days, the other days I work at home where I can still schedule swimming, play groups, piano lessons, etc. Can we do this? Ok, then you have a new employee.

WOW, I'M BACK!!!!! I just hope I can survive! Can we really have it all? The career, the kids, the life with hubby? Or do we end up burning candles at both ends and accomplishing nothing at all? I guess I will find out soon enough....for now the doctor is out....wondering if I have enough diet Mt. Dew to help me through this new change in schedule where I will probably be burning the midnight oil so I can still swim with my kids....