Re-post of The Wind Beneath My Wings

Sweet hubby and I just celebrated 16 years of marriage and I thought instead of a new post on the blog I would just do a re-post of one from last year.

THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS!!

It's no secret I had a very bad 1st marriage. I went into that marriage full of life, happiness, and on top of the world. I left that marriage a very broken person, wondering if I could ever become my old self again, wondering about my self worth, my own intelligence, my skills as a mother, and myself as an individual. I left that marriage with a beautiful daughter who kept me grounded and gave me hope for the future. I never intended to get married again. NEVER, and I really mean NEVER. Around that time there was a song entitled, "Me and You Against the World," and it became my theme song with my daughter. Eventually I began to gain back my self, the me I knew was there somewhere. I made a decision to go back to college to get the degree I was working on when I married. Not long after this I was introduced to sweet hubby.

(Thank you Kera!).

Sweet hubby was a blessing from the Lord. When sweet hubby asked me out on a date, it was "I would like to take you and Sarah...." What more could a person want than an individual in her life that recognized she came as a package - with a child. Sweet hubby never excluded Sarah in anything we did together while dating. In fact sweet hubby brought along Joshua too (his son from his 1st marriage). Sweet hubby always understood my need for independence and never pushed me on that. Sweet hubby did very gently take care of me. At this time in my life I was very serious about everything...working, raising a child by myself, and working on my BA....I had forgotton how to laugh or have fun...sweet hubby brought laughter and fun back into my life.

After dating for six years (yes, six years) sweet hubby and I were married. Sweet hubby was very understanding when I wanted separate checking accounts. At this time I was just finishing up my Master's Degree. Sweet hubby was very supportive when I spent hours working on my thesis. Sweet hubby was also supportive when I took a research job at the university which required a lot of travel. Then when the university asked me to teach 2 undergraduate classes at night, sweet hubby was very supportive again. Sweet hubby took over the household things so that I could live my dream of teaching at a university. Sweet hubby became the chauffer for Sarah taking her to school each day and eventually to early morning seminary.

When I told sweet hubby I was ready to get my doctorate he was right there beside me. I was working as an evaluator for a non-profit at the time and getting a doctorate meant driving 2.5 hours one way to Memphis two days a week. Sweet hubby closed down the business early two afternoons a week to drive with me to Memphis. Working fulltime and taking classes began to take up more and more of my time. Sweet hubby once again took over the household stuff. As I sat at a computer every evening working on projects, research papers, residency project, and finally dissertation sweet hubby would miraculously show up with a plate of dinner for me to eat while typing away. With a doctorate program comes many opportunities to present papers at conferences. As each conference came up sweet hubby proudly sent me away to make my mark on the world of research. In order to really make my mark in the world of research conferences became international. Again, sweet hubby proudly sent me on my way to do what I dreamed of doing and continues to support me each year as I come running in to tell him my paper was accepted at the Barcelona conference, the Belfast conference, and the most recent - Cambridge conference. Sweet hubby holds our house together when I am working fervently on papers for publication. Sweet hubby encourages me constantly to reach for those stars.

Sweet hubby never balked when I said I wanted to go visit Sarah - whether in Utah, Kansas or New York, he would smile and send me on my way. Sweet hubby is also very understanding about my yearly ski trips with my aunt or my trips with my sister and mom.

Sweet hubby is an example of service to me, never complaining when asked to do service for others or fulfilling his callings within our church. When sweet hubby and I got married my theme song, "You and Me Against the World" went out the door and was replaced by, "The Wind Beneath My Wings." Sweet hubby gives me the courage, the love, the support, and the desire to reach for the stars and live my dreams. I am truly blessed to have sweet hubby in my life. Sweet hubby is my everything and more. Sweet hubby is the wind beneath my wings.

For now the doctor is out....thinking about how truly blessed she is having sweet hubby in her life.

Christmas is Back....

5 years ago I abandoned Christmas.   5 years ago I stopped sending out my Christmas cards; I stopped making my goodie baskets for friends and associates; I stopped doing the extra fun stuff that is all Christmas;  and I didn't put up a tree.  5 years ago I didn't care if Christmas came or not --- 5 years ago I lost my sister and my dad.....Christmas was never to be the same again.....I just didn't want to deal with any of it.   It has taken 5 years for Christmas to fully return to our home.

For the past 5 years we have run from Christmas.....going to Kansas the first year because there were no memories of my sister and my dad there....it was a different kind of day for us.  4 years ago, we put up the tree but we didn't do much of anything else since the day after Christmas my daughter was having surgery to remove the football size tumor from her ovary.  3 years ago we put up the tree but nothing else. 2 years ago we didn't put up the tree but instead went to NYC to spend the time with Sarah; last year we began our trek back to Christmas at home.   We put up the tree and we spent it together as a family.

This year Christmas came back to our home in full force.  It hasn't been easy but it is here.  This year I put up our tree.  This year I pulled out all things Christmas to decorate the house. 

This year I made an advent calendar for Caleb

and the Christmas Tree Box

and the new Christmas tree skirt

decorated 

our tree

This year there is an elf who sits on our shelf in a different place each morning.  This year Caleb and I search our home every morning to see where he is and giggle at the many crazy places we find him.

This year I am sending out Christmas cards.  This year I am making the goodie baskets again.  This year the music is on in our house everyday.  This year we will go look at Christmas lights.

This year we are celebrating the birth of Christ. 

This year we will remember fondly of the many Christmas' that we had with our family when we were all here to celebrate.  We will remember Robin and we will remember my dad....and we will miss them terribly but we will make it through this day with joy and love in our hearts.

For now the doctor is out......remembering a certain Christmas where 3 little girls snuck out of bed in the wee hours of the morning to see what Santa brought to us......

Is it Leonard, Bob, or Lizzie????

I walked downstairs to my office this morning and found this:

During the chaos of finding the lizard my daughter Sarah called me on my cell phone......to unintentionally add more chaos!!!  How could Sarah add chaos to the already chaotic situation, well let me tell you.....

When it rains at our house or the cold sets in we tend to get lizards....they slither their way into our downstairs (which is my office and Caleb's playroom that used to be Sarah's bedroom).   Last year while Sarah was staying with us she would name the lizards she found in her room.....Larry, Liza, Lisa, etc.  

This is what happened this morning after discovering the lizard:

Caleb:  I can get my bug catcher and keep him as my pet!!
Me:  Absolutely not!!!
Phone rings.  It is Sarah.  I explain to her what is going on.
Sarah:  Is it Larry?  Has he come back?
Me: No, this is BIG!!!
Caleb:  It's real big and his name is Bob!!
Sarah: No, you cant' name him Bob, it's Leonard!!!
Caleb:  laughing, no I am naming him Bob and he is my pet!
Me: He is not a pet and he is leaving!!! 
Sarah:  laughing hysterically, you have to name him  Leonard!!
Me:  I have to get dad in here to get rid of him!
Caleb: No, I want to keep him in my bug catcher and name him Bob.
Sarah:  Caleb, you have to name him Leonard.
Me:  Stop naming him he is leaving!!!!!!
Me:  Sarah I have to go so I can get in touch with dad to get rid of him....click

So I call sweet hubby and tell him to get in the house as soon as he can!!! Thank goodness he was here today!!   He comes into the house LAUGHING.......I am so confused...

Me: Why are you laughing?
SH: I guess you found the lizard.
Me: YOU KNEW THERE WAS A LIZARD IN MY OFFICE!!!!!!!!!
SH:  I tried to get him out a couple of days ago but he got away from me.
Caleb:  His name is BOB!!!  And I want him for my pet!!!
Me:  Get that lizard out of here NOW!!!
SH to Caleb: You are naming him Bob?  That is a good name!!

As sweet hubby is catching the lizard and letting it go far away in our yard, Caleb looks at me and says, you know mom, he might be a Lizzy....


For now the doctor is out......searching online to find out how to keep slithering Larry, Lisa, Liza, Leonard, Bob or Lizzie out of my office!!!!

Food on a stick......dipped, battered, and fried.....

Every year, usually the 1st couple of weeks in October, the state fair comes to town.  I LOVE THE FAIR!!! My mom tells me that she walked around the fair 2 days before I was born just to get her labor going.....I keep going back every year!!!     

I remember as a child my dad loading us all up to go to the fair....walking around, riding rides, and going to the rodeo.   Then later as teens he would take a bunch of us and drop us off to enjoy the fair with our friends (unfortunately you can't do that these days).

 Then when I moved Sarah and myself back to here from CA I would bundle her up and off we would go to ride the rides and take in the fun stuff.  Life at the fair became even better after I met sweet hubby.  Sweet hubby had connections.......you know, the best kind of connections......food on a stick connections  (friends who owned concession stands at the fair).  I mean hey, that is what the fair is all about isn't it ....that food on a stick kind of thing!!!   And, here lately it is anything that can be battered, dipped and fried on a stick....oreos, snickers, twinkies, potatoes, gator, you name it and they can put it on a stick and fry it. 

Over the years our traditional of going to the fair and getting food on a stick has continued.  Sweet hubby and I spent years taking Sarah and Josh to the fair and now we are enjoying taking Caleb to the fair.  When Sarah went away to college at BYU she missed out on going to the fair with us, but sweet hubby fixed her up with a taste of the fair......sweet hubby bought a four pack of homemade cinnamon rolls (Sarah's favorite thing from the fair) and he then took this package and OVERNIGHTED it to her at BYU!!!!  Those were the most EXPENSIVE cinnamon rolls ever but Sarah LOVED getting them.   She has missed many years of the fair since but we think of her as we walk past the cinnamon roll booth.   One of my favorite years was when the fair came right after getting my braces off after several years......I told sweet hubby the first thing I wanted was corn on the cob (on a stick!!)..   It was sooo good!!!   Sweet hubby has a great love for that apple dip in caramel on a stick!

Caleb isn't much on cinnamon rolls or the other food on a stick but he loves the rides and getting a slice of pizza at the fair.  Sweet hubby and I took Caleb on Thursday evening and met up with my Kristen, Bailey, Bryan, and my 2 brothers for an evening of riding the rides.

On Friday morning, my sister and I took the kids back (for kiddie day)

so we could see the exhibits and animals.   Lots of fun both times.

I had to use my iphone for pictures since the battery was dead on the camera!!! 



Sweet hubby and Caleb eating nachos





Caleb getting ready for the kiddie bungie jump!





Caleb and Kristen looking at the fish exhibit.



Caleb loved the petting zoo.

It is so hard to believe the fair will run it's course this weekend and we will have to wait another year to see what new food on a stick item that can be dipped, battered and fried up for the many who will come out to consume it.....yum, yum......
For now the doctor is out.......wondering if she can come up with a great "food on a stick" to sell at the fair next year and make her millons in the process.....ummmm, any suggestions??????

Trouble and Double Trouble

We met when we were 13 going on 14....at a church swim party.  She had just moved to Arkansas from Texas.  She went to school in the LR district; I went to school in Pulaski County.  She lived in a very nice subdivision; I lived in the country.   At the time the only thing we had in common was the fact that we went to the same church.   We hit it off from the very beginning and became fast best friends.  We were always together and always up to something.  One Sunday we walked into our building together and a dear sweet man was standing at the end of the hall as we came down.  He shook his head and smiled at us then said, "Here comes trouble and double trouble."   I will let you guess as to who is trouble and who is double trouble!!!
We spent the next four years doing everything together; planning our dates together; what we would wear to the next dance; getting our driver's license; planning our 1st semester at BYU; and just planning our lives out.   We shared everything -- laughter and tears; celebrations and heartbreaks; if you saw one you saw the other -- we were always together.




Michele and Connie
ready for a 50's church dance

If you drew a line in the sand, we always crossed it, but not so far that we couldn't get back (we both have daughters who would never try to cross the line -- we laugh about this).  We were adventurous; we were inquisitive; and most of all we thought we could conquer the world just because we were us.




Gone with the Wind spoof
during intermission at a church dance

She was there for me when my dad was severely hurt in a motocycle accident;  she was my friend when I couldn't spend money at the mall but she could;  she was my sewing buddy as we planned our outfits for special times (dances, youth conferences, etc);   She was there for me as I cried my tears when my high school sweetheart dumped me during that 1st semester at BYU.  I was there for her when relationships ended for her as well.    She was there with me as we celebrated my engagement and I with her as we celebrated her engagement.  She was there with me when I felt the first kick of the sweet baby I was carrying and we celebrated with hugs and tears.  

She was on her to the temple the day I got married, but didn't make it due to a minor accident.  I was planning my trip to the temple when she got married, but didn't make it since that sweet baby I was carrying was trying to come too early.

She came to California and then to Arkansas to visit me.  I went to Utah and later Texas to visit her. 

She called me a couple of days after my sweet baby was born --- and we talked, cried, and celebrated even though there was a time difference and it was very late for me.     She later let me cry on her shoulder when my marriage fell apart.  She cheered me on and then we celebrated the birth of her first child.

We raised our children with letters back and forth; then email back and forth; and a few visits between Arkansas and Texas.   We both ended up with older children and a much younger child.  In fact our little boys are only 6 months apart and we share the joys of being an older mom and the trials that come with it.  We watched our boys play together in a Texas backyard while we chatted about the universe and all that we wanted to accomplish and all that we did accomplish.

Our kids have asked us about our teen years but we don't tell.  We could never tell that our church leader walked into the church kitchen one Wednesday evening to find us dancing.....on top of the kitchen counters....no, we won't tell that.  Or, we won't share with them the time we locked a church leader out of her own car (while we were in it) and then the church leader actually climbed on top of said car....umm, maybe we will keep that one to ourselves;  most likely we will never tell that after Sunday school and before Sacrament meeting, we would take my little Honda car and drive to Burns park for the afternoon.  Not much to tell on this one, oh, except that I had a driver's license and she didn't; but I taught her to drive the 4 speed Honda while we spent the afternoon in Burns park....I think we need to keep that to ourselves. 

No matter how many years go by before we see each other again, we pick right up and we are us again.  Our friendship began 37 years ago and it is as strong today as it was back then.   We are trouble and double trouble.....we are us.

We were 2 southern belles.......

who grew up to be 2 southern moms.....



Connie & Michele -- 2010



For now the doctor is out.....planning a reunion for trouble and double trouble

plus a couple of other girlfriends who helped with the trouble.....

Utah on a Prayer

Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE to travel!!  BUT, when I travel I usually know several months in advance that I will be traveling and I have time to prepare for it.  Not so on this trip.....

About 3.5 weeks ago my daughter, Sarah, came to me and said that she had been fasting and praying about what she should be doing at this point in her life (instead of living at home with parents - actually there is another story to this!).  She moved here from NYC last year to re-charge her batteries after a very stressful time there with her job.  We loved having her here but I knew that after several months she was not happy here.  She needed more in her life.  She needed to be able to go forward with her career and those opportunities didn't exist here (she applied for tons of jobs in and out of her field with no response!).  So back on track.....she came to me with the following conversation (paraphrased since I don't have perfect memory!):

S:  Mom, I have been fasting and praying about what to do.

Me: Ok, so what answer did you get?

S:  I need to move to Utah.

Me: Wow, ok, that sounds good.  Umm, what will you do in Utah?

S:  I don't really know.  But, I need to be there by General Conference weekend.

Me: That is in like 3 weeks.   I don't know if we can do that but we will certainly do everything we can to make it happen.  You know, I have to present a paper at a conference in N.O. the week before conference don't you?    Now, how do we tell sweet hubby about this?????

Sweet hubby's response:  That sounds like a plan but we will all go out there with you.  I would rather not have you drive that far by yourself.... (I guess he has forgotten that she has driven that road many times by herself!). 

So within 3.5 weeks she applied for a couple of jobs and secured housing -- after a struggle to get into the right place.   We started packing her up -- again, not knowing how we were going to pull this off since it definitely wasn't in our budget for the month to rent u-hauls and car pullers!   But decided that we must all trust that if this is what the Lord wanted then He would provide the way for it to happen.

Sweet hubby came up with a way to move her things cost efficiently and we all decided to allow her to use my SUV for the time being (she doesn't own a car since she didn't need one in NYC).   We knew going out it would be a fast trip -- no frills, no extra spending, just the essentials!!!   Not exactly my kind of trip but hey, I can make sacrifices for my daughter!!!

So here are a few of the pictures of us moving Sarah to Utah --- I call it Beverly Hills style without the rocking chair on top!!!



All loaded down with Sarah's STUFF!!!!



Including her bike!!!



Adding the address to the Countess (gpa)



The Doctor working.....thank goodness for mobile internet and cell phones!!

 


Caleb settling into the truck for a very LONG drive!! 
Blanket - check, Pillow - check, Stuffed Animals - Check
We are OFF!!!

We had a great trip going out there for the most part.  Caleb did get altitude sickness as we went through the Colorado mountains.  He started out so excited to see the mountains and talking about where I go skiing and then crash.....he was sick!!!  But once we were out of the mountains he perked up again and had a great time.

As we are traveling towards Utah on Saturday, sweet hubby recieved a phone call from a missionary couple who used to be here in LR (in our ward).  They just found out we were coming out and invited us to stay the night at thier home.  Again, the Lord provides when we have faith.  It worked out beautifully for us and we so enjoyed getting to see them again as well as meet some of their children and grandchildren.




Caleb with the Kolterman's

Later we dropped Sarah off at her new condo (and about 6 people came over to help unload the truck).

We left out of LR on Friday morning but on Thursday morning Sarah got a phone call about one of the positions she had applied for in UT.  They needed to interview her on Monday!!!   Monday was the LAST day for interviews!!!!   We made it and she went to her interview on Monday then afterwards we all went to IKEA in Draper to get some things for her condo.  I LOVE IKEA!!!  I want to buy, buy, buy when I go there but sweet hubby pulled in the reins and reminded me that this trip wasn't about me but about getting Sarah settled there.  So, I didn't get anything special for  me from IKEA but we did get some neat things for Sarah and that was a lot of fun!!!

Caleb enjoying a cinnamon roll at IKEA...



My beautiful daughter, Sarah, enjoying frozen yogurt at IKEA





Sweet hubby showing me we spent all of his money....so not true.....he has hides his money!!




Sweet hubby and Caleb putting IKEA furniture together




Caleb loves getting to use the power tools....just like dad!!!




One very tired little boy....fell asleep on the super pillow.

Our plan was to leave Utah on Monday afternoon but after the trip to IKEA we decided to sleep at Sarah's condo and leave early Tuesday.  Needless to say it was a very rushed trip but we had a great time and we are looking forward to many more visits with Sarah in her new home.   By the way, she got the job!!!  After interviewing on Monday, they called her on Tuesday and offered her the position......now she is back in the game and loving it!!!


For now, the doctor is out......planning her next trip to Utah.....thinking maybe she should go when there is snow on the mountains so she can slip some skiing in while there....ummm, yeah, that sounds good!!!





Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.....

In addition to sensory processing disorder my sweet Caleb is also OCD - obsessive compulsive disorder - which can create problems in taking medicine. It means you MUST have a schedule or a rhythm to everything. It means you must eliminate any and all clutter which becomes chaos to him (thus overloading the senses). I haven't accomplished all of this yet but I am working on it. Caleb had his rhythm down for taking his medicine and I left to go out of town on business for over a week.....breaking the rhythm for him. Then I left to go on a cruise with my sister, mom, and daughter (along with 3 aunts and a cousin) again breaking the rhythm. So the battle began in trying to establish the routine for taking meds. We fought....every morning. Some days I won. A couple of days he won. But after many trials over the past couple of weeks I think I have found his new rhythm.

a little of this:

medicine inside the reeses peanut butter cup:

the bribe:

and a timer set at 10 minutes.

With the instructions -- you must take both meds before the timer goes off...

at that time you can choose ONE bakugan from the 3 pak for your treat.

Caleb is fixated on bakugans right now (one week it might be legos or cars or the ds).  So I tried the if you take your meds for 5 days straight then you can buy a package of bakugans -- which worked but it was still a tug a war to do this.  So hence the timer and immediate reward.

The first 2 days he didn't make it before the timer went off.  It was sad for both of us that he didn't get to choose the bakugan.  But today -- SUCCESS!!!!

Notice he still has the medicine in his mouth trying to chew it up and swallow -- the taste is hard on him.  I am so PROUD of my little guy for finally beating the clock!!!!

I will probably go broke but some things are just worth it.

For now the doctor is out.....headed to Toys R Us, Target, and WalMart to buy more bakugans!!!